At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
