I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
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you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
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I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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