I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We have started to decorate penises.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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