I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
