i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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