I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
