i think my mom watched the whole time
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
