I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
