Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
