the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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