I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
