ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
