Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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