I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
