didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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