Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
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