my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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