was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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