this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
