Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Pooping to opera.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
