does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
