You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Randomize
