I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
