So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.