Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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