Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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