Only a mothe r could love this liver
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You ruined the universe
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
