Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Randomize
