Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
