McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Four minutes until I can fart!
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize