ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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