Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
