Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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