a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
