How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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