U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
