He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
