Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
