I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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