So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
