Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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