Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.

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(562): View more from California

you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works

(843): View more from South Carolina

Too late, I'm convinced it's broken

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(630): View more from Illinois

I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."

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