I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
