No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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