was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
