We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
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I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
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They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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