i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
