It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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