I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
