So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
