Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
