I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
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I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
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I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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