i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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