So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
