so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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