i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
