i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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