he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
