I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
