my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
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The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
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The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
we're so committed to being not committed
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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