Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize