Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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