My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
