then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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